A Handy chart?

As promised...(maybe, i don't remember..i promise a lot of stuff, that's how I got elected!), and in the spirit of the upcomming Great World Cup of Sport-you-never-heard-of, Here is the New-Look "Purple Slip" I give out to players who violate the Rules of Decency...like my idiot neighbor with his stinking Car Alarm ten times a day for the last three years. Oh Dear Readers, you probably never saw anything quite so depressingly incompetent as this fool with his pants falling down pissing on the front wheel of his pathetic Kneesan Wiener while the 100 decibel siren screams (or should, in a perfect world): "Ha Ha, I'm  Yossi and I'm ruining your life and I DON'T CARE!" So, in part as a gift to those of you who need a break from phrase-book madness.. "Thank you very much, Geveret Loopner, the schnitzel is so very tasty! (Now If I could be excused...your daughter and I would like to "walk in the park" already)"..Here is Yossi's first and final Royal Ream-out.

(and here is a traitorous translation, trying to preserve word-order and meaning for anyone who wants to do a word-by-word fly-over.)

QUESTION Is there any chance that you will succeed sometime in getting control of your shitty alarm system?
After two years now, it already seems to me that you lack either the technical ability, or basic consideration (for others).
I said something to you once (about it), and I remember your reaction was, "It bothers?". So, yeah, it does bother, and how! In addition to (being) a disgusting noise, every incident is a reminder that I live in a country where (we, they) forget what thoughtfulness is. The depression can last up to half a day...(or till the next "incident).
How is it, I ask, that this doesn't bother your wife, for example?
At the day-care center (across the street-ed), they surely love you no less than I (do). It would be taste-less to engage in speculation about other matters  you also find difficult to control. Just know that A) It bothers (people)...B) We're sick of it!..and G) (g??) The fact that every two minutes you (we) hear sirens from other idiots, doesn't absolve you from your basic civil responsibility. I await improvement eagerly. Amos "The King"

     What am I gonna do with these peoples? Here are two signs, the first one a grafitti on the Versace Building in Jaffa..Rehov Kibbutz Galuyot. Took them about a year to "notice" and paint it out...sorta. (looks like nobody's too good at matching paint colors) But the Real Question is, of course, WTF does this guy mean...or want...or live for? The more you think about it the backwards-er it gets, till you either burst out laughing or shake your head off in puzzlement. I spent six months passing it every day (you can't help seein it, even if you're drunk), and trying to come up with the perfect punch line...like "DEATH TO WHO???", for starters. That was before I become King. Not sure what I'd do now, in my new position, if it were still there.
     Moving from the ridiculous to the sublimely dumb (and more expensive)..the second (fuzzy, sorry) shot is one of 3 signs in a nearby town, supposedly telling drivers to use the "residential-zone" speed limit. Whatever that is. The Hebrew is clear, so far so good. Anyone spot a problem with the English, though? I PAID for these signs. They been there for fifteen years. That's 5 million "page-hits"..maybe everybody thinks somebody else already brought it to the attention of the relevant authorities. Haha...I'm just being facetious here. (That's "funny", 'cept that all the vowels, aeio and u appear in the word, in order, so I like to use it once and a while, ok?) Back to signs, now THIS ONE I CAN DEFACE..yup, and I'm gonna, of course. First in MS-Paint, and then in the middle of the night. Maybe "You are driving AN EN IN ON UN-Chopped Liver!" I like that, but I'm open to suggestions, of course. Amos as always

See, If you learn Hebrew, you get to talk to her...one more good reason, among others

I'm a sweetheart !

Here is a comment I left for one of my "foreign" (for now) subjects. She wrote a short post using latin letters to spell hebrew, this time. After a quick meeting with my "heir appearant" (thats the guy who'll get my matress and my throne someday) we typed it up in perfect spoken hebrew and explained a couple points. Anyone else who has similar questions will receive an equally kind reply...you don't gotta be cute (and female). Kings are past all that, what with all my concubines, I need to fish? Amos your King.

ðøàä ìé ëàéìå ùäëåì ðâîø îäø îàåã. ëì äùðä òáøä ìàè îãé, åôúàåí éù ìé äøáä îä ìòùåú..åáéú äñôø ðéâîø áòåã ùáåòééí. åàðé ìà îàîéðä..éäéä ìé áéåî ùáú îùäå ùçëéúé ìå ëì äùðä. äáðúí? àðé éåãòú ùäòáøéú ùìé îìàä èòåéåú..(àå "èòåéí?") àðé îúáìáìú...åäòáøéú îáìáìú àåúé
I sure hope I didn't scare you..you should see MY hebrew before it gets it's spelling fixed by my Amish Yemenites. Anyway, a couple points..1) In english, of course, we say "it feels like" but in hebrew "it" doesn't "feel", it can "seem"..or, as Yuval just told me, you could say, "I feel". The "like" has to be "c'eilu" in either case. 2) a "year" is a girl-word, (i know its stupid) so the year "avrah" 3)ditto for "hebrew"..also a girl, so it's "maleah tauyot"...mistakes are also girls...which at least makes sense...not! ha 4) and finally, "that screws me up" needs to be either "ze me-val-bel oti" or "ani meet-bal-bel-et". See, the Heet-blah-blah form is what we call reflexive, that means it comes with an understood "myself". So I "meet-bal-bel, or something else "me-bal-bel's ME" Its alot of fun for me doing this...so don't stop writing, or I'll lose a friend and I'll cry! ...amos